BOUNDARIES HOW AND WHY

Boundaries

How and why !!!

Boundaries provide the necessary foundation for every relationship in your life….. Most importantly the one with Yourself. They are the protective barriers to what feels inappropriate, unacceptable, inauthentic or just unwanted. When boundaries are in place, we feel safer to express our authentic wants and needs and we rid ourselves of the resentment that comes along with denying ourselves.

But How do you use them?

Well we can start with the simple but not easy ones like saying YES when we mean it and NO when we mean that.We can often say yes too often, not respecting ourselves just being doormats. So many resentments are caused by over committing ourselves to fulfilling other people's needs. And don't explain or justify your NO. It simply is self respect.

It's imperative to understand the boundary is for YOU, it's not for others. It's a personal limit and we must allow others to have theirs. In doing that we need to respect and honour theirs while you maintain your own.

When setting a new boundary avoid blame or judgement statements. Also avoid You language whenever possible. For example " I'm making some changes so that ( insert your intention for the new boundary) and l hope you understand this is important to me. I imagine ( insert your understanding of their behaviour) When you ( insert problematic behavior) l often feel ( insert your feelings) and l understand that is something you may not be aware of. In the future ( insert what you would it would not like to happen again). If (insert original problematic behaviour) happens again, l will (insert how you will respond differently to meet your own needs) l suggest you write it out and practice saying this out loud.

Practice makes this new behaviour and action more normal.Have an expectancy of flack and resistance. Others don't accept these changes graciously. Have compassion and patience with yourself and others. And please don't give up if it doesn't work the first time.

Now give yourself a hug for doing a novel action and making your life better.